There are mornings when worship hits differently.
This morning was one of them.
I could not stop the tears from filling my eyes. Every song seemed to reach straight into the deepest parts of my heart. Not in a painful way, but in the kind of way your soul desperately needs. The kind of reminder that I was never meant to carry this life alone.
Moments like this remind me just how good God has been to me and how much He has carried me through.
I can honestly say the only reason I am still standing today is because of my faith.
In some ways, it feels like yesterday. In other ways, it feels like a lifetime ago when I truly believed I could not keep going.
I can still remember that moment vividly.
I usually try not to revisit it because it is painful, but to understand where I am now, you need to understand part of how I got here.
That night, I left my house to bring dinner to my son, who was staying temporarily in a hotel while we waited for a judge to decide what would happen next. There is more to that story, and maybe one day I will share it fully.
As I drove there, I already knew I would likely be met with anger. The woman who helped create this entire circus was waiting there too, ready to record me, hoping I would react in a way that supported the false accusations being spread about me. It was heartbreaking to watch the influence she had over my son.
As I drove down the road, the anxiety and fear became overwhelming. The emotions were so intense I cannot fully put them into words. I had experienced difficult things before in my life, but nothing compared to this.
I felt weak. I could barely breathe.
And in that moment, I was ready to drive off the road and end all of the pain.
The pain.
The fear.
The betrayal.
The shame.
The humiliation.
The persecution.
It all felt too heavy.
But there is no doubt in my mind that I was not alone in that moment.
God met me there.
Jesus, the Holy Spirit, my guardian angels—He took hold of me when I could not hold myself together. He quieted the chaos in my mind, steadied my racing heart, and put breath back into my lungs.
I wish I could say everything instantly became clear and peaceful, or that I immediately remembered who I truly was beneath all the lies being blasted across social media and the news.
But honestly, it was simpler than that.
For just a few seconds, the noise stopped.
And all I could think about was my family at home.
My husband.
My three children.
I knew I could not leave them in the middle of this pain. I could not add more heartbreak to what they were already carrying.
What felt like forever was probably only a matter of seconds.
I took a deep breath. Then another. And I prayed for the strength and endurance to keep going. To face the world. To face the attacks. To face the enemy. And to keep moving forward one step at a time.
Now, almost two years later, I can look back and see God’s hand in every moment.
He gave me strength when I had none left.
He gave me endurance when I wanted to quit.
He gave me the mental and emotional strength to wake up each day and face whatever came next.
God is good through all of it.
Not just in the easy moments.
Not just after the breakthrough.
But right in the middle of the darkness too.
He has been my rock, my refuge, and the source of every ounce of strength I have had.
“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.” — Isaiah 40:31
