I know this post is coming several weeks after Mother’s Day. I wrote it back then, but hesitated to share it because it felt so raw and vulnerable. So it sat in the notes app on my phone for weeks.
But after rereading it, I reminded myself that this is exactly what this blog is about—being open, honest, and vulnerable, even when it feels uncomfortable or scary.
So here it is. A little late, but maybe shared at the right time after all…
May 11, 2026
Yesterday was Mother’s Day—a day filled with so many different emotions.
It hits differently when one of your children is no longer around and you don’t know where they are or what they’re doing. A child who has chosen not to be part of your family. A child you fought for who is no longer yours to hold close. A child you wish you could fix—fix the hurt, the pain, the suffering.
On a day like Mother’s Day, I want to celebrate being a mother to the children still beside me, while also grieving the one I’ve lost.
Being a mother is the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced. It is also the most challenging.
For years, I have battled my worthiness as a mother. I have never felt good enough. Every mistake feels magnified, and I replay them in my mind, convincing myself my children deserve better.
I have apologized to my children more times than I can count—admitting when I was wrong and asking for forgiveness.
I have cried myself to sleep many nights, regretting the moments I lost my temper or mishandled a situation. Praying for grace. Praying for wisdom. Asking God to help me become the mother I want to be.
And having one child who feels so much anger toward me only makes those insecurities louder.
No, I am not perfect. I never will be.
But I hope my children know how deeply I love them. I hope they know I will always be here for them. They are my greatest gift.
Even the one who is lost—I still pray he will be found again.
Lately, I’ve had to remind myself of this truth: I am not their mother by accident.
God chose me.
He knew my weaknesses, and He chose me anyway. He knew the challenges I would face, and He chose me anyway. He knew the heartbreak I would carry, and He chose me anyway.
There have been so many days I’ve felt too weak for this calling, believing the lie that I am not capable. And honestly, on my own, I’m not.
I cannot do this without Him.
But God loves my children even more than I do, and because of that, I trust He will continue to grow me, stretch me, and help me become the mother He created me to be—even through the mess, the failures, and the heartbreak.
Maybe motherhood was never meant to be about perfection.
Maybe it’s about showing up in love again and again, even when your heart aches.
Proverbs 31:25
“She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.”
Unpolished Truth 